Something about travelling Africa by public transport really appeals to me. Africa itself seems like an adventure and taking it all on by road seems like the best way to do it. After yesterday’s bus ride I’m not so sure this was the best idea I’ve had in my life…
I needed to go from Arusha on the eastern side of the Serengeti to Mwanza on the western side. The recommended route is up through Kenya to Nairobi and then back down on the other side of the national park. I didn’t want to go through Nairobi and pay the visa fee for Kenya, so that was out. Then there was the straight through the park approach which sort of seemed appealing until I read that I would have to pay at least $50 in park fees and I wasn’t likely to see any animals as I would be hurtling past them at breakneck speeds. That left the third option, past the park on the southern side. Cheap and I didn’t remember reading anything bad about the route (although I don’t remember reading anything at all) so how much worse than the other routes could it possibly be?
I boarded a bus with three seats on one side and two on the other. It was pretty crammed but I was lucky to have a window seat. We got going at 6am on the dot and as I settled in I thought to myself ‘this isn’t so bad’. That’s about when the paved road ended and my hell began.
The dirt road was hard and full of bumps and potholes, but it was also covered in sand and red dirt which meant it was seriously dusty. Fortunately, it was cool enough to be able to keep the window closed. Unfortunately, once we hit the bumpy road the window took on a life of its own, violently shaking open with each bump. The latch was broken and the stiff window was too hard to close with my fingers. There were two holes where the handle used to be and every five minutes I would have to take out a pencil, stick it in the hole and use it to close the window. Sometimes I wasn’t quick enough (I might have left it for six minutes instead of five) and a truck would come thundering past, sending dust and dirt through the two inch space. By the time we reached the rest stop, my face was covered with red dirt.
The rest stop was another cause of panic! I didn’t think we were ever going to stop for a break. We must have stopped ten times in six hours with nobody on the bus making a move to get off… I was convinced everyone in this country has superhuman bladders. The journey was hellish at the start but when I got to hour five and thought I was going to pee my pants, that’s when things really got hellish. Fortunately for me, my pants, the person sitting next to me and the bus upholstery, we stopped at hour six for 15 minutes before being herded back on board to continue the journey.
After ten hours, a bruised ass, a possibly broken computer and camera, a face covered in dirt and a damaged bladder we were approaching a large city – Mwanza! Right? This is the final stop… right? ‘No, this is Shinyanza’.
This is about the point where I wanted to kill myself. Shinyanza, from what I could remember from the map I had glanced at, was only the halfway point. Did that mean that when the bus ticket guy said the bus would arrive at four, he meant 4am? Did that mean that I had another 10 hours of this hell journey ahead of me?!? PANIC. Nobody seemed to be able to give me an answer so I sat there, willing the bus to crash.
‘It’s not that bad. The road is paved again. I’ll just have a snooze and when I wake up, hopefully I’ll be there.’ Driving… driving… zzz… BANG!!! ‘What the f-??? BUH BANG!!!
Speed bumps! The fricking highway had speed bumps! And guess what? The driver didn’t slow down one bit. We took those suckers at full speed, launching us passengers in the back a foot in the air each time and scaring the living hell out of me. Going over speed bumps at 130kms an hour is LOUD.
So at this point, as far as I knew I had another nine hours of speed bumps and the sun was down so I couldn’t even read my book in between the bumps. Plus I had a splitting headache and I needed to pee again. I wasn’t sure what to do so I ate some popcorn and tried to zone out. BANG!!! ARG!!!
We arrived into Mwanza after four hours instead of the expected ten, so I guess I was relieved although all I felt was utterly exhausted and defeated. I’m not sure how I survived those four hours without throwing myself out the window. It’s probably because the window wouldn’t open the whole way, actually.
I shared a cab into town with a youngish Kenya lady (she had shown me the way to the toilets as I wandered around looking panicked) and her 71 year old husband-to-be from England who looked like he was about 100. How he survived that journey, I will never know. I passed out at about 9pm happy to be alive.
Anyone got any terrible bus journey stories to share?
On a hellish journey through the Mexican mountains I was forced to pee into a coke bottle only to run out of space mid flow and had to try stop the flow.
As I was about to spray pee over everyone some mexican dude leaned over with another bottle and basically gave me a knowning look.
10 minutes later in the middle of nowhere we stopped anyway.
We took some pretty bumpy buses in Ukraine, but nothing nearly as bad as THAT! And we were always able to keep it to less than 3 hour trips, fortunately. I’m sure it’s hard to imagine at the time, but the more miserable you are, the better the story is after it’s all over…usually… Hopefully the rest of your journey is smoother!
I took a bus from Brussels to Amsterdam. Given the locations, I thought that it would be a decent experience. It ended up being plagued with delays, incompetent staff, and drivers that drove 150kph in the hardest downpour I’ve ever seen. Terrible experience, but yours does sound worse
Kirsty thanks that has to be the funniest I’ve read in along time and had me in tears LOL
I nearly peed my pants on a bus in the Colca Canyon. Finally got up the nerve to ask the bus driver to stop, which he did, in the middle of nowhere where there was not a single shrub in site. I squatted near the back axle of the bus – so embarassing!
We rented a 20 passenger bus in Kaohsiung, Taiwan to take our family sightseeing up in the mountains. We stopped at an old gold mine and toured some of the old shafts and saw where the Taiwanese were put in a concentration camp by the occupying Japanese during the war. The Japanese took a lot of gold out of Taiwan during that time.
Anyway, on the way back down the mountain, it was raining really hard, but the driver was going really fast and hardly slowing for the curves. He was chewing this gum that turns your mouth and teeth red and looks like blood. It apparently keeps you awake and alert and a lot of people use it, although it is disgusting. The driver kept turning in his seat to talk to my wife and we all thought we were going to run right off the road. The red “juice’ was dripping down his chin and it looked like he was bleeding. Every once in a while, he would spit into a can. We all let out a big sigh of relief when we finally got off that mountain.
Haha! Too funny! Hope you feel better!
I once took a bus in Egypt from Cairo to Hurghada… they are usually fairly ok and even have toilets. Unfortunately ours was broken
The trip was somewhere around 8 hours and my bladder was about to burst when the bus driver finally made a quick stop after about 6 hours. I ran to the restroom and it was this horrible cockroach-infested whole in the ground that almost shocked my bladder into non-working-condition. It was so dirty and disgusting… but I’m glad I could finally go!
Tough story, but so much fun reading about it afterwards!
As for me, practically all the long-distance buses I ever embarked in Colombia broke down. Maybe it’s my fault. Once we were stopped three times by the police who ended up disassembling the bus, searching for arms or drugs.
But the funniest occurance happened last year in Venezuela, when our bus stopped around 3am in the middle of the llanos, known to be full of laaarge and hungry caimans. The driver and his helper got off without a word and didn’t show up again – as it turned out, they were so tired that they just put their hammocks up in the closest trees and slept for two hours straight before continuing the ride…
Your bus trip sounds great
Getting there is at least 90% of the fun, isn’t it? I did quite a few local bus rides in West Africa. What I remember about them was that no matter how hot or cramped it was, the locals would fall asleep the second the bus started moving, and mostly stay asleep for the rest of the trip. It was as if the driver sprayed some sleeping gas as he turned the key in the ignition.
I had my worst few bus rides in Uzbekistan. They regard the use of headlights at night and seat belts at any time as really poor form. Like Steve’s experience with the spitting, the bus drivers in Uz had some heavy duty green stuff that they stuffed into their mouth between their lower front teeth and lip – constant spitting was required. At the end of a 7 hour bus ride the driver appeared completely stoned, with bleary red eyes and a far away look. At least we live to tell these tales!
Yuck, yuck, yuck. We have had several bad bus experiences in China — it’s like China is conspiring against us — but the worst was when we got onto the bus, squished between 2 smokers (on an air conditioned bus with no ventilation, mind you), drove for 2 hours, and then realized that they sold us a ticket to the wrong place because everything here is in Mandarin. So, we had to turn right back around and then get onto a different bus. Awful awful day.
I am going to email you about traveling in South Africa soon because I am having a heck of a time finding information on the best ways to get around. We’re going to be there in one month – can’t wait!
A journey not recommended for those who like to travel in comfort and style, but one that will take you through the heart of Rwanda on a road less-travelled.
Haha, this makes me laugh. I think I’ve had similar experiences as you. My first long distance bus ride in Africa was from Nairobi to Dar two years ago. I was surprised at how little bathroom breaks there were. And they were fast! Oh public transport is definitely an adventure. However, my worst transport to date is still the Ilala Ferry in Malawi!
My craziest road journeys were around Africa as well. A few years ago I traveled around Madagascar. One bus (actually more like the back of a removal van) trip was particularly memorable. all the passengers were crammed together sitting on the floor with our bodies over lapping. people were being sick, one man soiled himself and the stench was truly foul. The road was awful and we had to keep getting out to push the van up and out of a crater on the dirt road. It was like the images of buggies driving around on the moon. It became pretty uncomfortable so I decided to step out the back of the van and stand on the ladder leading up to the roof. Definitely not the safest i have ever been but the nighttime scenery is something that I will never forget. I eventually arrived after roughly 10 hours, completely covered in orange dust like a giant umpa lumpa, but with high spirits.
Another time i woke up with my head nodded forward and a column of spit connecting my mouth and my groin. I looked up to see the entire minibus staring bewildered at the disgusting vazah in their midst.
Good times, would love to go back to Madagascar, its a crazy island.
Great story to tell Kristy, I know that exact red East African dirt that penetrates and stains everything is comes in contact with. It seems like I always happen to sit next to the window that’s broken, even if the bus is in good condition.
I most scared I’ve been was cruising in a bus with worn out breaks through a mud road in the mountains of Northern Philippines. It was raining and there were landslides every few kilometers. I was quite a terrifying journey.
Wow what a bad experience you had on the bus. So how long was the bus ride in total? I never had such a bad experience on a bus. I think yours tops the cake of bad bus ride experiences.
Worst I had was from Java to Bali, got sold a ‘first class VIP ticket’ for a bus that didn’t exist and ended up on a chicken bus for 14 hours instead! Didnt have a seat for 4 hours, then almost got duffed in by various teams of buskers who targeted me as the rich westerner, even though i’d run out of small rupiah!
The imagery of you on that hellish bus ride is so strongly conveying in this post. I must say I have never been on any public transportation that was as bad as you described. It sound like something you might tear up about ha. I guess at least it makes for a great story.
Wow, this certainly does sound like the bus journey from hell! My worst bus trip was in Italy, on the Amalfi Coast. I was in Italy with my college marching band, and we were heading to Amalfi for a performance. It was our last full day in Italy, so everyone had partied hard the night before in Sorrento. If you’ve ever been to the Amalfi Coast, you’ll know that it’s a twisty drive through the coastal hills. Add in a fearless bus driver and a lot of hungover people, and let’s just say it wasn’t pleasant. At least four people sitting near me got sick and threw up into plastic bags. I was never so glad to get off a bus!
I hate any long bus rides as my legs always get all cramped up. Then again, I can’t say I’ve had bad bus experiences that are anywhere close to your misery. It sounds like you put up with the problems quite well. Someone less tough may have been really freaking out.
Only from Denver to Kansas City, but it took 13 hours. My worst travel experience was the 4-day train ride from Athens to London, complete with Serbian molesters and an angry Soviet-era police officer who thought I must have jumped onto the train because I was walking around without shoes.
Oh man! It sounds like you had a terrible time. I think the worst thing in the world is being desperate to pee and having no idea how long you need to hang on for. Poor you
. And the thought that you might be stuck there for another ten hours. I honestly think not knowing is the worst, if you know you can at least resign yourself to the fact that there is nothing you can do. Great post… I really felt your pain and discomfort through your writing 
I recently had a really terrible 40hr bus trip from Istanbul to Munich (followed by an 18hr train trip to Stockholm) to get back after we got stranded there by the volcanic ash cloud. No toilets on the bus, not many stops and none long enough for food, bus drivers smoking like chimneys and that was before things got really bad. My mum fainted and started throwing up in the back roads of Romania and we thought we might have to get off the bus there. Thank goodness we could lie her down on the back seats. And to think… I thought it would be an adventure and even maybe a little fun. Not fun. Possibly an adventure but not fun.
If you want to read about it I wrote about it on my blog here:
http://www.withsparkles.com/escape-from-istanbul-part-i/
Love Ben’s comment about peeing in the coke bottle and the knowing look
I’ve been fortunate during my lifetime, and cannot recall any crazy bus rides like the one you experienced. But I am sure my parents can probably recall some crazy bus rides, as they are from Brazil and where they are from it’s known to have roads similar to the ones you describe. I wonder how the buses can handle all those rough roads, they must break down very easily.
Till then,
Jean
Wow that does sound hellacious. I couldn’t imagine doing that. I unfortunately have been unable to venture to far to destinations like Africa. But I have been in the jungles of South america. I was so scared I would die of some weird insect or snake bite. It was so creepy.