I just finished my freebie trip around Uganda, generously donated to my by Abacus Vacations. While the tour part of it was great and it was awesome to chat to Robert, the tour company owner who happens to also be an SEO guru, my final thoughts on this organised tour business is that they’re hard work!
Our guides were professional, amazing drivers and were full of information on everything we asked them about from cultural Uganda-related stuff to specific info about animals. We saw some beautiful parts of the country, stayed in some great accommodation and got to see plenty of beasties from lions to gorillas to chimps and all the usual safari stuff. We crammed a lot into our eight days and my eyes have been opened to what Uganda has on offer. I have no complaints about the tour or the stuff we saw… the hard work part comes with the people I was on tour with, particularly one psycho from Texas.
I’ve met lots of people as I’ve travelled, most pretty cool, some amazing and some not so nice. I don’t seem to meet too many completely crazy people though. There are a few I can think of but the guy on my Uganda tour has got to take the cake. I got a strange vibe when I met him originally and was turned off immediately by his telling of unfunny jokes and insistence on talking about his time in the US military which, along with cars and fashion, is a topic of conversation that will put me to sleep.
On the second night I found myself sitting beside him at the end of the table. He’d already talked a lot about military stuff but, as I’m completely uninterested, I was never really a part of any of the conversations. But this time I was stuck beside him when someone asked about his most dangerous mission. He told some story about infiltrating a jungle, killing some guy (I think he was a sniper but not a military one, a contract killer type… or so the story goes), and then having to survive for a month in the jungle as he escaped from 500 people chasing him. Or something like that. Me, being the shit-stirrer that I am, asked him if he killed a good guy or a bad guy. He said it wasn’t really clear. I asked him how he felt about that and he launched into scary mode.
He sort of went into a speech about defending people who aren’t able to defend themselves and how his mantra in life was to protect people’s right to free will. He then, for some reason, decided to tell me that he could kill me before I had a chance to put my hands on the table. Then he went on to say that he had the ability to torture me to get me to say anything he wanted me to. This is about when I told him that I didn’t want to talk to him anymore. He sort of talked to himself for awhile while I drank a stiff drink and tuned him out.
His bizarro outburst was witnessed by a few people who were shooting me ‘is he crazy?’ looks (yes, as it turns out, he is). The conversation wasn’t as threatening as it might sound, he was calm and it was as though he was explaining facts, not making threats. I didn’t take it as a threat, just as a very strange thing to say to a person. I’ve got to say that anyone who talks about killing people as casually as he does isn’t someone I want to have a conversation with so I decided to keep my distance.
Things really started to get strange a couple days later. Up until that point everyone was ok with him… he just seemed like a harmless, fairly jolly, old guy who had a lot of crazy stories to tell. After an amazing morning of chimp tracking, crazy guy arrived late to lunch in a huff and slammed down his plate and let out a huge sigh as he sat down. I got up and left because I didn’t want to deal with him but it turns out that he was pissed off because he thought he’d have more time at lunch to pack. Not a big deal but he made a big deal out of it and this was the start of his downward spiral to craziness.
The next place we stayed was where his true colours surfaced. His room didn’t have hot water, he couldn’t get a cold beer, and his food order was screwed up repeatedly. The place we stayed actually had terrible service but we all just sucked it up. He shouted at the staff, loudly laughed in the face of a waitress a bunch of times when she made small mistakes, and then cornered and shouted at another member of our tour over some minor misunderstanding. At this point he was firmly public enemy number one.
Gorilla trekking was a classic moment for many of us. As we ate breakfast he managed to make one lady on the tour cry. I forget what their initial exchange was about but it evolved into him saying that, if she were to be threatened by the gorillas, he wouldn’t come to her rescue. As we got ready to leave, he decided that he didn’t need food and went into a story about surviving in the jungle, blah blah blah. He was kitted out in a ridiculous safari-style outfit complete with a huge knife that he was asked to leave behind because it made us all uneasy. He, again, went into a ‘you guys are all on your own’ speech and vowed not to save us when the evil gorillas attacked.
On arrival to the gorilla orientation centre, he nearly stacked it on the gently sloping grass (the guy is old, overweight and apparently not too coordinated these days) but he still opted to go in one of the groups that had a longer, harder trek to the gorillas. I was, thankfully, in another group and didn’t see him until later that day as we hiked up to a pigmy village (our gorilla trek was over in a couple of hours and we went to visit the pigmies afterwards). We passed some of the guys on our tour who were on the way down from their trek, but there was no sign of crazy guy who was lagging behind, having apparently face-planted quite a few times.
Twenty minutes later crazy guy eventually shuffled past us, covered in cuts, mud, blood and truly looking like he’d been through a battle. It might be mean to say, but there was something strangely satisfying about that moment. Crazy guy had apparently admitted to the guys on our tour that he’d been arrogant but then retracted the comment and blamed his lack of trekking performance on wearing the wrong gear and so on.
But the shit really hit the fan on the morning of our last day. We had two safari trucks for our tour and everyone had stuck to the same seats the entire time. Crazy guy decided on the last morning that he wanted to sit in the front seat of our car but we had other ideas. Nobody wanted him in our car and there was a huge fight between him, the guy whose seat he took and the rest of us. I shouted the occasional insult at him from the back of the truck but I mostly just watched the fireworks. He challenged one of the guys to a fight at one point, threatened pretty much everyone, pushed the tour owner, for some reason went on about how much money he tipped the hotel staff, and just went nuts in a strangely calm, controlled way.
When our driver asked him to sit in the other car he did. He seems to think he had some sort of bond with the drivers and all of the staff he came across. He tried to be super nice but came across as patronizing. But, regardless, it seems like our driver is the only person he respected and he moved to the other car… but he made sure to come back to tell us that the only reason he moved is because he was asked, not because we wanted him to. It was like we were in primary school! Kind of entertaining in a slightly scary way.
The guy is living in an alternate universe where he’s still a scary military man, not a sad, old guy who’s living in the past. I really think he’s actually crazy, not just a jerk. I felt sorry for him at times but then he’d threaten someone else and I’d wish that he was still lost in gorillaland. My main buddy on the tour was rooming with the crazy guy which made for some fun stories. I guess you get all types on tours and this Uganda trip was certainly proof of that. It was painful at times but the stuff I saw was great and I guess it gives me some stories to tell.
On the upside, the stuff we saw was pretty amazing. I didn’t realise Uganda had so many cool things crammed into a relatively small country. Some of the drives were long but the scenery was unreal with green hills and valleys, tea plantations, great views and plenty of baboons and things along the road. Gorilla trekking was the obvious highlight but I was also really impressed with the chimp tracking as we got to see them on the ground for most of the time, rather that trying to spot them up in the trees while avoiding falling chimp pee and poo (although that would have added a certain element of danger!) We were also lucky to spot tree-climbing lions up close.
Have you ever encountered crazies on your travels? Have you ever been trapped on a tour with one? This was certainly an experience and not one I want to repeat anytime soon. I’d love to hear other stories of travel encounters of the crazy kind. Oh, and merry belated Xmas!
Yikes! This would be one of the main reasons why we do not do organized tours. While not nearly as entertaining as your story, we had a “one rotten apple” experience while on Safari in S.Africa. One of the woman in our group was OBSESSED with talking about her children. I mean, you just spent the day seeing some of the most mind blowing things in your life and you have to sit and listen to this woman go ON AND ON about how amazing her daughters are. Here is how the conversation would go…
Me: “Can you believe we saw a baby leopard in a tree?!”
Her: “Well, my daughter was in the Miss Texas Teen competition and SHE had her head shots done by tree and she bought a new mac and it runs leopard and she knows how to use it better than any one…”
Me: “More wine please.”
It sounds like you made the experience great, which is what one really has to do in any situation. If you allow external circumstances – nasty people, shitty weather, whatever – to shape your experience, then you are not going to enjoy much of anything because these are realities everywhere.
Great post. I really enjoyed reading it.
Sounds like an unfortunate travelling companion! I was once stuck on a 3 week hiking tour in northern Thailand with an ex-army chap who refused to wash either himself or his clothes, stating that the enemy would recognise the clean smell as being unnatural in the jungle. He didn’t seem at all concerned they might notice the body odour from 3 weeks of sweaty hiking…
There was also the month in Africa with an aggressively racist actress who was convinced she played Pussy Galore in Goldfinger (annd not Honor Blackman), along with her karate kicking eldery lady friend who physically attacked anyone who dared to question this or her constant racism.
Ha ha, you meet all sorts of random lunatics on the road. In a way its a shame that the experience of the wildlife was overshadowed by some f**kwit but I guess that’s the way it goes.
All the best for 2011 Kirsty.
P.S. Sick photos
Wow, tough one. Well done from coming out of that sane!
I taught English in South Korea with a couple of crazy people. One guy admitted he was manic depressive and was alternately planning a 100 million dollar opera (he was basically broke) or wanting to literally jump out of the window when he was down. He got obsessed with another crazy guy and ran up the largest telephone bill calling medical professionals in the US to ascertain what kind of craziness the other guy had! The bill basically wiped out all his future earnings. It was tough being in the same small language school and I learnt to avoid him as best as possible, but it was not always possible. Horrible memories.
I’ve never had a complete nut job like that on a tour, but I’ve encountered plenty of odd characters. It seems like there is always at least one annoying or disgusting person to deal with on any group function.
I once flew first class (upgrade) from L.A. to Seattle for business. I was looking forward to the extra legroom and comfort. When I sat in my seat, there was a young man next to me who was obviously a surfer-type. I said hello and sat down. After a few minutes, he turned and said something to me and I got a whiff of rotting teeth and gums. I nearly gagged. I started to panic a little because I thought I was going to YAK. It was that bad. I tried to chat with him, but the stench was unbearable. I didn’t know what to do. I remembered that I had a roll of mint Life Savers in my bag, so I got them out and prayed he would take one. Thankfully he did and that helped some. Once he got a drink and the meal came, things got better.
That was the most extreme problem I ever had. One other time I had an old lady latch on to me on a 4 hour bus trip. She talked non-stop the whole way and even followed me and my wife around at the rest stop. I couldn’t talk to my wife because she kept talking and grabbing my arm. It was the longest bus ride I’ve ever had. And she sat in the same seat all the way back and talked my ear off again.
I think your experience with the military nut is the worst I’ve heard about. Didn’t the tour operator try to do anything about it? Usually when they have a problem guest, they step in and try to resolve some of the issues. In this case, you can’t just kick him off the tour, right? Where would he go?
I happen to be the organizer of this trip and In my 10 years of organizing safaris,I have not seen such a person on the trip before.
He should have been on a private tour other than organized group tour.
Am glad that I traveled with this group to learn something new.
I went to Jordan and Syria earlier this year with Gekko. They did a great job organizing everything but once I got to Syria, the group went from 30 to 6. This older Australian guy on the tour decided to tell me each and every day at every meal how much he hated Americans, how stupid Americans are etc. (I’m a Yank and was the only Yank at this point.) Loudly. At every dinner. My fellow travellers were wonderful and kept telling me how classy I was about everything. (I wasn’t about to let him ruin my good time and just ignored him and said nothing for the most part. I’ve been through this before and find it’s the most closed-minded, least traveled of people that are like this. I’d also note though that none of my fellow travelers told him to shut up. Wimps!)
I strongly believe that karma is my best friend. He and his wife left a day before us other four on their way to somewhere else–I forget where. When I woke up in the morning and met our tour guide at breakfast, he told me that Australian dude had severe food poisoning and they had to get a doctor to check him before they departed, he’d been up all night tossing his cookies, etc etc etc.
To which I responded to the tour guide with a straight face: “Karma, my friend, is a bitch.”
His English wasn’t 100% but he put his arm around me and said, “Krista, I knew there was a reason I liked you.”
Wow, what a story! Makes a change from all the cheery Christmas posts the rest of us are writing =)
I can safely say we have never come across anyone quite that crazy. That is the worry with tours though – who wants an amazing experience like seeing gorillas ruined by being with someone like that. Lucky for you he wasn’t in your group that day.
Hahaha! So many crazies in the world! When I was in Donsol, Philippines to swim with the whale sharks, and I was with an obnoxious man who kept trying to prove he swam better than the rest of us and insisted on going near the whale shark.
He was smacked in the chest by the whale shark’s tail. Haha!
It’s a shame you could just leave him behind. That would be really scarey – a true psychopath.
I hate it when you’re on a plane from London to Melbourne and there is a very drunk, aggressive, Australian backpacker that is sitting next to you! Oh what fun. The head steward had to pacify him and talk to him for hours until he the guy went to sleep.
Wow, we haven’t been on many tours so far but this would really piss me off and you can’t do much about it – apart from ignore him! Hopefully we won’t come across anyone so crazy!
Wow, I’m glad you made it out of that tour alive! He certainly sounds like a crazy man. Usually on tours, I find you get a mix of people and there is usually someone that stands out in some way. Sometimes it can be in a good way, but most of the time it’s bad. I haven’t been on a tour with someone that crazy, but I always seem to find those braggarts of travel, somewhat like your experience. He lived in the jungle so he’s better. Those people just make me laugh mostly.
Wow, I’ve been on several organized tours and now I’m quite relieved that I’ve never encountered anyone quite like this guy! There are always a few annoying folks but usually everyone else is cool enough to make up for it.
Probably the oddest thing I encountered was a sweet guy on a tour who developed a crush on me. He started off leaving cute notes under my hotel room door but then one night I came back from the bar to find a very large fake flower on my bed! Turned out he had convinced the hotel desk guy to give him the key to my room and then swiped the flower from the lobby to leave for me! He thought he was being romantic but I was just freaked out!
I guess this trip was amazing and fun loving, How Can I get such freebies
Sounds scary! There are definitely crazy people out there and when traveling you never know who’ll you’ll get or what they are dealing with. Sometimes things come out while traveling that can make others view you outside your typical demeanor. I obviously don’t know this guy but you’ve made him out to be really scary and downright wrong in everything he’s done. Granted I wasn’t there for this entertaining exchange, but I wanted to point out how one person’s perception (yours) has now influenced all of ours (readers).
Be safe and be well in 2011!
I think a classic argument against organised tours of any kind. And, yikes, what a needy, attention-seeking chap.
Though not nearly as worrying as Katie’s admirer above. “Convinced reception to give him key to my room….” Yikes! That’s scary…
Glad you enjoyed the primates, though.
This guy sounded like a real pain. I loved reading your story and how it was him that barley made it back after bragging about how skilled he was at surviving in the jungle, really funny. Thanks for sharing Kirsty.
- Robert
Wow, I would actually be freaked out with such a crazy guy. Never know when they might even hit you or something. It’s good that you kept your distance and avoided him once you realized what a nut he was. Looks like the rest of the trip apart from that was pretty good. Amazing photo of that lion. It’s good that your vehicle had a roof as I am always pretty afraid of the open-top safari vehicles that leave you exposed to the animals.
The guy sounded like a real pain. I really loved your story.