One of the main reasons given for wanting to travel is to meet interesting people from all over the world. I can’t tell you how to make friends and I assume that if you’re reasonably social and not a dickhead that you will meet people as you go. Then again, if you are a dickhead then you might very well attract plenty of your own kind to hang around with too. If you can play nice with others and make friends at home, then you will do fine on the road.
What I can say about making friends during your travels is that the friends I still have are not people I’ve met in a hostel over a few days of sightseeing by day and boozing by night. The friends who last, at least for me, are the people who I initially spent a good amount of time with, sharing some common experience beyond just travelling.
Early on in my travels I remember being eager to swap email addresses with pretty much everyone I had a conversation with. Everything was so new and exciting and everyone I met seemed to be doing something amazing and have a great story to tell. I guess now I’m less impressed by stories of backpacking and I need to really get to know a person before I decide that I want to stay in touch. For me, getting to know a person isn’t something that happens over a few days.
The friends I’m still in touch with after spending a summer living in Ireland in 2000 are the ones who also spent the summer living there, working crap jobs for beer money. Same goes for my year-long trip around Australia in 2001 – my friends from that trip are the ones I picked fruit with for several months in various spots across the country. I’ve got a gang of Australian friends from my five years living in London, plus plenty of local pals. The people I’ve met volunteering are some of the best friends I have and I chalk that up to spending not only a lot of time together but also to sharing some pretty amazing experiences along the way.
No matter which way to choose to travel, you will end up with a crazy number of new Facebook friends in a relatively short amount of time. People make friends in different ways and it takes some people a lot longer to bond with new buddies than others. All I’m saying as that, in my almost nine years of living, working and travelling overseas, all of my lasting friendships have come from encounters that went beyond spending a few days seeing some sights and hanging out in the bar together.
So if you’re heading off on a longer-term trip and making new, lasting friendships is a priority for you then I would recommend sticking around in a few places along the way or sticking with the same people for longer than a handful of days. Rent a place for awhile and get a job, volunteer, hang out in a cool hostel for a few weeks, work on a farm in exchange for accommodation, study a language, take up surfing, go on a road trip, whatever.
Don’t be so quick to speed through one place to get to the next. The places will always be there but the people in them won’t. If one of your main reasons for travelling is to meet people then take things slow and do things along the way. Give friendships a chance to develop into something more than a crazy weekend in some exotic place. When I think back on all of the friends I have from my travels, I’m glad I did
How about you… what have your experiences been? Have you managed to stay in touch with people you’ve met for brief stints on your travels? Do you have many lifelong friends from your travels? Any advice on building lasting friendships as you wander around the world?
I visited Central America and really wanted to “immerse” myself in the area. I wanted to learn some Spanish, sample the foods, and visit a lot of areas to really get a “feel” for the place. Sadly most of the people I met were literally flying through with a “tick list” of “must sees” and often were only in one place for a day or two before moving on. I thought it was a real shame. Travel should be about more than just crossing things off a list, surely?
Awesome article Kirsty
I’ve made a fair amount of friends since travelling, and the ones who I spend a little time with, sight seeing, having a drink then saying goodbye are the ones I tend to stop talking too over facebook, even more so when their travels end.
The people who I spend longer with (typically work mates, local people showing me around or longer travel partners) I’ve kept in touch for much longer.
I think the key point is finding like minded people, although those who go through the attractions quickly seem to lose touch with people they did it with.
That’s really awesome Kirsty! With the way you’ve been making friends, makes me kind of want to go out and travel, and see the world like you we see in the movies, hehe.
Strange I was just thinking about this as I have been on a mass cleanup detail getting rid of all and anything that I can in advance of my departure, whilst doing this I came across a whole host of addresses phone numbers and more that had collected whilst traveling and sure enough they all went in the trash not one has ever been of any use or used.
The few solid friends I have made, are in my phone and used often those are the people though as you mention I have spent a great deal of time with I’m looking forward to getting back on the road and meeting new people again but i will probably refrain from collecting a whole host of numbers and addresses.
Hey,
Just stumbled upon this site after finding a link to your ebook from somewhere (which I bought am about to go through – i like the 50:50 donation thing. That tipped the scales.)
Anyways, yes, lasting friendships on the road… I’m very conscious of the trap that’s readily waiting for gathering together emails, contacts and facebook friends as we travel since as a lone-ranger there is a certain need within us to do so. But, I absolutely agree that the real friendships, as with any in life, really are those that grow and develop over a sustained period. So volunteering in 1 place for a while promotes this development, as I’ve personally experienced.
It’s a difficult thing to obtain, I find at least, good friends on the road, but it’s very doable but we have to put in the time and efforts to do so.
Thanks for providing a great site to visit. good luck!
Paul.
I’ve managed to create some amazing friendships while traveling. While studing in Paris for a summer, I made friends with a girl who lived in London. I ended up visiting her in London about two years after we first met–and visited her again when I was in Europe last summer, three summers later! We always enjoy each other’s company and it doesn’t matter that months may go by without chatting–we both know that we can always offer an open couch if one wants to visit!
Now that I’m living in Nice for six months, I’m hoping to build some friendships with people who are here long-ish term as well
I met my future business partner on the Milford Track in New Zealand in 2003 (we’re both American and were there for multiple-month stays). Though I do remember seeing him flirting with some girl on the ferry to the start of the trail (not very well if I recall) and thinking to myself “what a douchebag.” Heh… funny how things work out!
Tony
travelersjoy.com
Building friendships and being able to authentically encounter food are the two reasons why I try to migrate (1 month or more), instead of backpack.
Getting involved in something is definitely a great way to build solid relationships. A TEFL course for a month in Argentina, and teaching English in Bangkok have allowed me to meet some great new friends. I have also met great friends through couchsurfing and ended up staying wtih some people for over a month, developing into great friendships.
So true! Making friends is one of those weirdly taboo topics. It’s like, if you bring it up, you have cooties (the grown-up variety). And yet, I think we are becoming a bunch of anti-social, lonely wallflowers.
True say… I tend to whizz through a few places to start with, then find somewhere I love and something to do there – I’ve spent half a year in Thailand DJing and helping organise nights, a couple of summers working at a bar in China, and a month in the Himalayas doing sweet FA, and it’s my mates from those times that I still keep in touch with and bump into all over the place.
Don’t knock the random weekender facebook friends though. I’ve found they sometimes pop up months or years later with a status update or a few lines of chat that can lead in all sorts of unexpected and interesting directions
Russ
My wife and I agree that our visits to other countries need to be longer and we need to stay put so we can get to know people better. We usually don’t stay in any one place for more than 2 or 3 days. It’s tough to develop friendships that way. We are shopping around to see how much monthly rentals cost so we can stay a long time and really live like the locals. What better way to make friends than to become neighbors?
That’s very cool, Kristie. Must be awesome to have friends from all over the world with common interests and motives to help people out together.
Till then,
Jean
Good point about your better connections being with people who you spent more time with. You can only bond so much within a day or two, especially when booze is involved. When I have more time & money to travel, I’d definitely want to take my time and get to know people in each area I visit. There is a big difference between briefly visiting an area and actually living there.
I’s like, if you bring it up, you have cooties
I completely agree! I’ve actually never travelled like most people do nowadays – speeding through cities with an itinerary – so I wouldn’t know if it’s more difficult to make lasting friends that way or not, but I do know that I’ve made wonderful friends from my summers in South America and Europe. I always live in one place for as long as possible and immerse myself as deeply as I can, speaking the language all the time and going out as much as possible, and I’ve found that making great friends is absurdly easy that way.
Keep at it, Kristie! I love your blog.
The lasting friendships I’ve made while abroad happened when I stayed put for awhile. I studied abroad in New Zealand for a year, and made good friends when I moved out of the dorms and lived with Kiwis for the remaining months. It’s 12 years later, and we’re still in touch.
It’s tough to meaningfully connect with people when you’re moving places every few days. My husband and I are traveling now (18 months), and are thinking about volunteering in a place for a month or more to really get to know a place and connect with others.
You sound like a bit of a dickhead yourself if I’m honest.
Interesting article. For people who earn money from the web, it can be nice to keep in contact with people who understand that you don’t have to have an employer as such to get by or make a living.
I’ve found that some of the friends I talk to most are those that share a similar lifestyle – often you end up chatting online and meet up again in far flung parts of the world. Its a little bit different to talking to other friends who have a regular schedule and secretly, while envious are probably starting to think you’re a bit nuts!
I also like to make a new friends. If your nature is mix with others so you can easily make new friend.
I love making friends all over the world. It means cheap holidays next time I want to go back to that place, ‘casue I’ll be staying with my new friends
This is absolutely right about travels, especially the international ones when you are visiting some other countries and then meet people who are like you, looking at the world just like yourself.
Perhaps the next destination to meet some new faces from other cultures would be South Africa for the World Cup.