Comments on: Is it Selfish to Follow Your Passion? http://www.nerdynomad.com/2009/10/23/is-it-selfish-to-follow-your-passion/ Backpacking around the world on my income from the internet. Thu, 11 Mar 2010 00:21:01 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.0.7 by: Katrina http://www.nerdynomad.com/2009/10/23/is-it-selfish-to-follow-your-passion/#comment-39236 Sat, 12 Dec 2009 21:50:32 +0000 http://www.nerdynomad.com/2009/10/23/is-it-selfish-to-follow-your-passion/#comment-39236 I found this post doing an internet search in Goggle "following your dreams as opposed to being responsible". I am a 42 yr old female. I wanted to be an artist when I was a teenager. The only thing I was ever really good at was drawing and saying exactly what was on my mind. Every good friend I ever had told me I should be in some kind of art school, but I had no idea how to make it happen or any encouragement at home to pursue it ( because my parents paid too much attention to their dreams to notice ours). So, when I graduated I joined the military then married some idiot and got pregnant and found myself single again with a baby and back home with my parents. I finally decided to go to college but felt that I needed something that would pay the bills so I chose nursing because someone I knew was a nurse and I found out she made a lot of money and I thought I was smarter than her (lol). I have been a nurse for 15+ years now. I despise it! I hate my whiney "follower" coworkers, I hate the fact that I cannot in any way use my brain and think for myself. I hate the unhealthy meds and detrimental procedures that I peddle to my patients, because I'm told to. It is so bad I get knots in my stomach every evening before I go to work. I avoid going until the last minute because I don't want to go and consequently I am always late and present like a complete idiot flying in last minute already flustered. When my last day in a row is finished I spend the whole next day trying to de-stress and forget about the place. I put everything that reminds me of the place in a separate area of my house so I don't even have to look at it until I have to go to work again! I even get knots looking at paystubs so I get direct deposit. I had problems being what they expected of me from the moment I graduated because it just isn't in my nature. I wanted to quit, but my son was young and my family reminded me that I had responsibilities and I did.. so I stayed in the profession. Now I'm desperate to never set foot in a hospital again. Call me selfish if you want to, I'm beyond it now. I don't see how that can be, when I waited this long for my son to grow up so I could do what I wanted. I'm not selfish, I'm self preserving to want to have just a little happiness in my life! I figure if I love what I do then I will spend more time doing it. I'll do it better and I'll be sucessful because I will be dedicated and confident and if I have to sacrifice for it, it won't feel like the end of the world. It will be a part of my life, not some separate thing I have to do unlike now. Now, I feel like a prostitute with this whole other life, that I try to keep separate from me. These are the consequences of not following your dreams guys. Is this what you want? Is it how you want to live or have the people you love, live? Follow your dreams if you can. It's not selfish, it's necessary. I found this post doing an internet search in Goggle “following your dreams as opposed to being responsible”.
I am a 42 yr old female. I wanted to be an artist when I was a teenager. The only thing I was ever really good at was drawing and saying exactly what was on my mind. Every good friend I ever had told me I should be in some kind of art school, but I had no idea how to make it happen or any encouragement at home to pursue it ( because my parents paid too much attention to their dreams to notice ours). So, when I graduated I joined the military then married some idiot and got pregnant and found myself single again with a baby and back home with my parents. I finally decided to go to college but felt that I needed something that would pay the bills so I chose nursing because someone I knew was a nurse and I found out she made a lot of money and I thought I was smarter than her (lol). I have been a nurse for 15+ years now. I despise it! I hate my whiney “follower” coworkers, I hate the fact that I cannot in any way use my brain and think for myself. I hate the unhealthy meds and detrimental procedures that I peddle to my patients, because I’m told to. It is so bad I get knots in my stomach every evening before I go to work. I avoid going until the last minute because I don’t want to go and consequently I am always late and present like a complete idiot flying in last minute already flustered. When my last day in a row is finished I spend the whole next day trying to de-stress and forget about the place. I put everything that reminds me of the place in a separate area of my house so I don’t even have to look at it until I have to go to work again! I even get knots looking at paystubs so I get direct deposit. I had problems being what they expected of me from the moment I graduated because it just isn’t in my nature. I wanted to quit, but my son was young and my family reminded me that I had responsibilities and I did.. so I stayed in the profession. Now I’m desperate to never set foot in a hospital again.
Call me selfish if you want to, I’m beyond it now. I don’t see how that can be, when I waited this long for my son to grow up so I could do what I wanted. I’m not selfish, I’m self preserving to want to have just a little happiness in my life! I figure if I love what I do then I will spend more time doing it. I’ll do it better and I’ll be sucessful because I will be dedicated and confident and if I have to sacrifice for it, it won’t feel like the end of the world. It will be a part of my life, not some separate thing I have to do unlike now. Now, I feel like a prostitute with this whole other life, that I try to keep separate from me. These are the consequences of not following your dreams guys.
Is this what you want? Is it how you want to live or have the people you love, live?
Follow your dreams if you can. It’s not selfish, it’s necessary.

]]> by: Backpacker http://www.nerdynomad.com/2009/10/23/is-it-selfish-to-follow-your-passion/#comment-38915 Fri, 04 Dec 2009 12:07:31 +0000 http://www.nerdynomad.com/2009/10/23/is-it-selfish-to-follow-your-passion/#comment-38915 Your passion will make you happy. So follow them - by hook or by crook. That's my motto. It's my life, I have all the right to enjoy my life. That's all :) Your passion will make you happy. So follow them - by hook or by crook. That’s my motto. It’s my life, I have all the right to enjoy my life. That’s all :)

]]> by: Follow your passion | Daniel Smith http://www.nerdynomad.com/2009/10/23/is-it-selfish-to-follow-your-passion/#comment-37805 Wed, 11 Nov 2009 15:25:34 +0000 http://www.nerdynomad.com/2009/10/23/is-it-selfish-to-follow-your-passion/#comment-37805 [...] I was just reading how some people make excuses for not following their passion… and thought that I might respond in support of following your passion. [...] […] I was just reading how some people make excuses for not following their passion… and thought that I might respond in support of following your passion. […]

]]> by: Dan http://www.nerdynomad.com/2009/10/23/is-it-selfish-to-follow-your-passion/#comment-37804 Wed, 11 Nov 2009 15:14:05 +0000 http://www.nerdynomad.com/2009/10/23/is-it-selfish-to-follow-your-passion/#comment-37804 When I was small, I wanted a Ferrari Testarossa. You see, I have red hair; when I found out that "Testarossa" literally means "red head", I decided in the unequivocal way children can, that it was my dream car. Then I saw one... and I thought, "hmmm... that's a pretty ugly car" - but it was my publicly stated "dream car" so I held onto it. Shortly after starting my first company, I sat in a Ferrari for the first time. I was so excited - finally, I was going to get what I had always wanted. As I sat myself into that fine Italian leather, it felt fantastic. For a wonderful moment... until I realized, "It's just a car." It wasn't the car that I wanted. It was the concept that the car represented. It was the feeling that I thought the car would give me. Pursuing the car was great in that it took me closer towards things that I really did want (excellence, achievement, impact, joy, passion...). But it wasn't about the car. The feelings of what you really want are the destinations... the surface desires are just vehicles for getting there. Make sure you get to the destination by a vehicle that suits you rather than just one that seems to work for you. My wife is pregnant with our first child. If I don't live my life true to my heart - giving it my all, pursuing with passion the object of my heart's desires - what sort of role model will I be for my son? What sort of husband will I be if I am not living with the integrity of being my own man? I've found that when I can focus on living in the moment and following my passions, opportunities show up that I could never have prepared or planned for... when you can put your cup of water back into the ocean, you can work with the force of the ocean. You can't do it half-heartedly... but when I have really gone for it, I feel alive. @Jun, when I live with passion and purpose, my Shanghainese wife lights up and showers me with love in a way that is unleashed when a woman sees her man being her knight in shining armor. And while I wish I could bottle it, you just can't buy that. When I was small, I wanted a Ferrari Testarossa. You see, I have red hair; when I found out that “Testarossa” literally means “red head”, I decided in the unequivocal way children can, that it was my dream car.

Then I saw one… and I thought, “hmmm… that’s a pretty ugly car” - but it was my publicly stated “dream car” so I held onto it.

Shortly after starting my first company, I sat in a Ferrari for the first time. I was so excited - finally, I was going to get what I had always wanted. As I sat myself into that fine Italian leather, it felt fantastic. For a wonderful moment… until I realized, “It’s just a car.”

It wasn’t the car that I wanted. It was the concept that the car represented. It was the feeling that I thought the car would give me. Pursuing the car was great in that it took me closer towards things that I really did want (excellence, achievement, impact, joy, passion…). But it wasn’t about the car.

The feelings of what you really want are the destinations… the surface desires are just vehicles for getting there. Make sure you get to the destination by a vehicle that suits you rather than just one that seems to work for you.

My wife is pregnant with our first child. If I don’t live my life true to my heart - giving it my all, pursuing with passion the object of my heart’s desires - what sort of role model will I be for my son? What sort of husband will I be if I am not living with the integrity of being my own man?

I’ve found that when I can focus on living in the moment and following my passions, opportunities show up that I could never have prepared or planned for… when you can put your cup of water back into the ocean, you can work with the force of the ocean. You can’t do it half-heartedly… but when I have really gone for it, I feel alive.

@Jun, when I live with passion and purpose, my Shanghainese wife lights up and showers me with love in a way that is unleashed when a woman sees her man being her knight in shining armor.

And while I wish I could bottle it, you just can’t buy that.

]]> by: Court Reporters http://www.nerdynomad.com/2009/10/23/is-it-selfish-to-follow-your-passion/#comment-37777 Tue, 10 Nov 2009 12:35:25 +0000 http://www.nerdynomad.com/2009/10/23/is-it-selfish-to-follow-your-passion/#comment-37777 Interesting post about follow your passion. I think everybody have rights to follow your passions but we understood our responsibilities. Interesting post about follow your passion. I think everybody have rights to follow your passions but we understood our responsibilities.

]]> by: Aluminum Case http://www.nerdynomad.com/2009/10/23/is-it-selfish-to-follow-your-passion/#comment-37497 Wed, 04 Nov 2009 19:21:02 +0000 http://www.nerdynomad.com/2009/10/23/is-it-selfish-to-follow-your-passion/#comment-37497 It is not selfish at all to follow your passion. Most of us are probably envious of what you get to accomplish. You are at a point in your life where you don't have other responsibilities weighing you down. So by all means, live your dreams and go with the flow. There will be plenty of time later in life where you can get more serious and responsible. For now, have fun while you can. It is not selfish at all to follow your passion. Most of us are probably envious of what you get to accomplish. You are at a point in your life where you don’t have other responsibilities weighing you down. So by all means, live your dreams and go with the flow. There will be plenty of time later in life where you can get more serious and responsible. For now, have fun while you can.

]]> by: NomadicNeil http://www.nerdynomad.com/2009/10/23/is-it-selfish-to-follow-your-passion/#comment-37109 Fri, 30 Oct 2009 12:40:34 +0000 http://www.nerdynomad.com/2009/10/23/is-it-selfish-to-follow-your-passion/#comment-37109 Of course it’s being selfish. But so what? To whom am I responsible? I’m only responsible for myself. Besides if you truly look into how the world works and where it’s going then you’ll see that to be selfish in this way (I’m not talking about hurting others or the environment) is the only way to be. A lot of people talk about how sensible it is invest in a pension fund, buy a house, save for a wedding. But those people are just going on with the wisdom of what worked over the past 50 years. Problem is the next 50 won’t be like the last 50. A combination of environmental and demographic factors will ensure this. Anyone notice the big financial crisis that happened. I had a bunch of ‘sensible’ friends who bought houses just at the peak, now they owe more money than they can get back for selling the house. No one listened to my ‘crazy’ ideas. Jun, I don’t want to judge what you think will be good for you but the cold hard scientifically researched fact is that most people only get a short term happiness boost from owning things and much longer satisfaction from experiences. Chances are that after the initial high of having the dream house / car / thingamabob you’ll think ‘Is this is? I thought I would be happy when I finally ‘made it’ but I’m not’. Read ‘Affluenza’ by Oliver James for the research done on this. As far as the $100, 000 wedding, it may be natural for a woman raised on MTV and Sex and the City… but not every woman is like that. Of course it’s being selfish. But so what? To whom am I responsible? I’m only responsible for myself.

Besides if you truly look into how the world works and where it’s going then you’ll see that to be selfish in this way (I’m not talking about hurting others or the environment) is the only way to be.

A lot of people talk about how sensible it is invest in a pension fund, buy a house, save for a wedding. But those people are just going on with the wisdom of what worked over the past 50 years. Problem is the next 50 won’t be like the last 50. A combination of environmental and demographic factors will ensure this. Anyone notice the big financial crisis that happened. I had a bunch of ‘sensible’ friends who bought houses just at the peak, now they owe more money than they can get back for selling the house. No one listened to my ‘crazy’ ideas.

Jun, I don’t want to judge what you think will be good for you but the cold hard scientifically researched fact is that most people only get a short term happiness boost from owning things and much longer satisfaction from experiences. Chances are that after the initial high of having the dream house / car / thingamabob you’ll think ‘Is this is? I thought I would be happy when I finally ‘made it’ but I’m not’. Read ‘Affluenza’ by Oliver James for the research done on this.

As far as the $100, 000 wedding, it may be natural for a woman raised on MTV and Sex and the City… but not every woman is like that.

]]> by: Living By the Rules versus Living on Purpose | Thrilling Heroics http://www.nerdynomad.com/2009/10/23/is-it-selfish-to-follow-your-passion/#comment-37104 Fri, 30 Oct 2009 10:17:29 +0000 http://www.nerdynomad.com/2009/10/23/is-it-selfish-to-follow-your-passion/#comment-37104 [...] There has been a lot of talk about passion and responsibilities recently. My friend Jun is someone I know is really intrigued by the mobile lifestyle, but he recently wrote about the challenges of doing what he’s truly passionate about because of his responsibilities to family. Then “Nerdy Nomad” Kirsty asked if it’s selfish to reject the average lifestyle, and others’ expectations of you, to follow your passion. [...] […] There has been a lot of talk about passion and responsibilities recently. My friend Jun is someone I know is really intrigued by the mobile lifestyle, but he recently wrote about the challenges of doing what he’s truly passionate about because of his responsibilities to family. Then “Nerdy Nomad” Kirsty asked if it’s selfish to reject the average lifestyle, and others’ expectations of you, to follow your passion. […]

]]> by: Will http://www.nerdynomad.com/2009/10/23/is-it-selfish-to-follow-your-passion/#comment-37052 Thu, 29 Oct 2009 12:00:39 +0000 http://www.nerdynomad.com/2009/10/23/is-it-selfish-to-follow-your-passion/#comment-37052 Anyone who is worried about how they will provide for their family if they follow their passion should look to the documentary movie "Surfwise" for inspiration. A (ivy league?) doctor becomes a complete dropout - has nine kids with his third wife. The eleven of them live in a small camper and spend their time chasing waves around North and Central America. It's certainly not a glamorous existence, but it was a pure experience for all of them. Anyone who is worried about how they will provide for their family if they follow their passion should look to the documentary movie “Surfwise” for inspiration. A (ivy league?) doctor becomes a complete dropout - has nine kids with his third wife. The eleven of them live in a small camper and spend their time chasing waves around North and Central America. It’s certainly not a glamorous existence, but it was a pure experience for all of them.

]]> by: zylla http://www.nerdynomad.com/2009/10/23/is-it-selfish-to-follow-your-passion/#comment-37031 Thu, 29 Oct 2009 03:29:25 +0000 http://www.nerdynomad.com/2009/10/23/is-it-selfish-to-follow-your-passion/#comment-37031 Interesting thoughts...I believe though that Richard's Western/Asian parallels deserve a second look. We could disagree at some levels the impact of our cultural or economic background, but undeniably...it is the foundation in which we build our lives as we acquire more experiences along the way. Like you Kirsty, in following your passion you have chosen to give something noble along the way...you will know when it's time to be selfish. Just now, go...enjoy...and help the world while you can! As a Filipina, I can't disagree with the sentiments Richard had presented, and because of the struggles I witnessed growing up, I feel guilty spending lavishly...even in providing for my family. I operate not on my wants alone; it has to carry something beneficial to someone else...as always--my selfish desires! Bottom line...it has to be a match to be happy...$100K or P100 wouldn't matter if you both wish it to be. You could live on anything you could gladly share, and the rest will follow. Interesting thoughts…I believe though that Richard’s Western/Asian parallels deserve a second look. We could disagree at some levels the impact of our cultural or economic background, but undeniably…it is the foundation in which we build our lives as we acquire more experiences along the way. Like you Kirsty, in following your passion you have chosen to give something noble along the way…you will know when it’s time to be selfish. Just now, go…enjoy…and help the world while you can!

As a Filipina, I can’t disagree with the sentiments Richard had presented, and because of the struggles I witnessed growing up, I feel guilty spending lavishly…even in providing for my family. I operate not on my wants alone; it has to carry something beneficial to someone else…as always–my selfish desires!

Bottom line…it has to be a match to be happy…$100K or P100 wouldn’t matter if you both wish it to be. You could live on anything you could gladly share, and the rest will follow.

]]> by: Arjan’s World » LINKBLOG for Oct 27, 2009 http://www.nerdynomad.com/2009/10/23/is-it-selfish-to-follow-your-passion/#comment-36936 Tue, 27 Oct 2009 16:14:27 +0000 http://www.nerdynomad.com/2009/10/23/is-it-selfish-to-follow-your-passion/#comment-36936 [...] Is it Selfish to Follow Your Passion? – Nerdy Nomad [...] […] Is it Selfish to Follow Your Passion? – Nerdy Nomad […]

]]> by: Passive Income Online http://www.nerdynomad.com/2009/10/23/is-it-selfish-to-follow-your-passion/#comment-36930 Tue, 27 Oct 2009 13:40:50 +0000 http://www.nerdynomad.com/2009/10/23/is-it-selfish-to-follow-your-passion/#comment-36930 Kirsty you are either a traveller or you are not - I am you are, some Americans are too - but not maybe as many as a percentage as Canadians and Kiwis! Having travel in the gene means that about the third time you ahve to pack up a whole load of stuff you own, pay or beg for storage space and then unpack it years later to promptly give it all to the local Sally Army store - means that you get over the whole ownership thing! My partner unfortunately is not so much - that's why we are heading back to NZ he wants to be nearer is elderly mother. She has never travelled so she kinds expects her son around - I only came home when my mother was terminally ill- and she had kept that information from me for months (as I would in the same situation) - because she didn't want me to feel obliged to come home. She too had travelled (she cycled around England with just a couple of girls she met on the ship over - in 1953!) she understood. She understood you don't need to be physically present to be close - at that was in the days when phone calls cost real money and queued for hours to make one in most countries! its tough when the family doesn't understand that some of us just have to travel -read some history - James Cook was classic - you either have to travel or you don't. Re the financial side of things. At 39 I had no savings - it took me about 6 years to become financially secure - I agressively invested in real estate at the right time. Now I am busy building a business which pays me less than a job now but will pay me a lot more long term - this is where I think Jun has it wrong - a job is only as good as an employer - a business is a lot more robust - particularly an online one with its low start up costs. its people who have worked and saved all their lives who are sold a pup in terms of retirement savings - because they are trusting financial advisors who were more interested in the fees. In short (and this is not LOL) - you can have it all - in fact I would have thought that the last few years should have taught Americans in particular that doing the conventional thing of working for the man and investing in 401s was one of the riskiest options out there! And I am almost bizarrely intriguedj - how the hell can you spend $100k on a wedding ? I really can't quite imagine that - like physically how could it cost that much? Kirsty you are either a traveller or you are not - I am you are, some Americans are too - but not maybe as many as a percentage as Canadians and Kiwis! Having travel in the gene means that about the third time you ahve to pack up a whole load of stuff you own, pay or beg for storage space and then unpack it years later to promptly give it all to the local Sally Army store - means that you get over the whole ownership thing!

My partner unfortunately is not so much - that’s why we are heading back to NZ he wants to be nearer is elderly mother. She has never travelled so she kinds expects her son around - I only came home when my mother was terminally ill- and she had kept that information from me for months (as I would in the same situation) - because she didn’t want me to feel obliged to come home. She too had travelled (she cycled around England with just a couple of girls she met on the ship over - in 1953!) she understood. She understood you don’t need to be physically present to be close - at that was in the days when phone calls cost real money and queued for hours to make one in most countries!

its tough when the family doesn’t understand that some of us just have to travel -read some history - James Cook was classic - you either have to travel or you don’t.

Re the financial side of things. At 39 I had no savings - it took me about 6 years to become financially secure - I agressively invested in real estate at the right time. Now I am busy building a business which pays me less than a job now but will pay me a lot more long term - this is where I think Jun has it wrong - a job is only as good as an employer - a business is a lot more robust - particularly an online one with its low start up costs. its people who have worked and saved all their lives who are sold a pup in terms of retirement savings - because they are trusting financial advisors who were more interested in the fees.

In short (and this is not LOL) - you can have it all - in fact I would have thought that the last few years should have taught Americans in particular that doing the conventional thing of working for the man and investing in 401s was one of the riskiest options out there!

And I am almost bizarrely intriguedj - how the hell can you spend $100k on a wedding ? I really can’t quite imagine that - like physically how could it cost that much?

]]> by: Richard Sykes http://www.nerdynomad.com/2009/10/23/is-it-selfish-to-follow-your-passion/#comment-36859 Mon, 26 Oct 2009 14:16:27 +0000 http://www.nerdynomad.com/2009/10/23/is-it-selfish-to-follow-your-passion/#comment-36859 Jun, I wrote a fairly thought-out answer that I thought tended more to side with your position than to denigrate it. Jun is a common Filipino first name, but I have no way of knowing your ancestery, and from your rudeness, wouldn't be much interested anyway! Jun, I wrote a fairly thought-out answer that I thought tended more to side with your position than to denigrate it. Jun is a common Filipino first name, but I have no way of knowing your ancestery, and from your rudeness, wouldn’t be much interested anyway!

]]> by: Kirsty http://www.nerdynomad.com/2009/10/23/is-it-selfish-to-follow-your-passion/#comment-36832 Mon, 26 Oct 2009 04:05:06 +0000 http://www.nerdynomad.com/2009/10/23/is-it-selfish-to-follow-your-passion/#comment-36832 @Richard ...oops I forgot to finish... I think travelling has had more of an effect on my attitude towards aspiring to be rich and own stuff than just growing up in Canada has. @Richard …oops I forgot to finish… I think travelling has had more of an effect on my attitude towards aspiring to be rich and own stuff than just growing up in Canada has.

]]> by: Kirsty http://www.nerdynomad.com/2009/10/23/is-it-selfish-to-follow-your-passion/#comment-36831 Mon, 26 Oct 2009 04:01:27 +0000 http://www.nerdynomad.com/2009/10/23/is-it-selfish-to-follow-your-passion/#comment-36831 @Jun Thanks for the comment, it's helping me get a better idea of where you're coming from and what your goals are. People from all over the place were told to aspire to some sort of life. For me, breaking free from what society or my parents or my peers says is the 'right way' was a huge deal and becoming comfortable with what I have decided I want for myself and my life took awhile, but I got there, and it's right for me. Surrounding myself with travel types has been a big help, visiting poor countries, volunteering in devastated communities, and meeting people who truly have nothing (in a material sense) have all contributed to my lack of motivation for achieving extreme personal wealth and possessions beyond what I think I need to be content. Everyone has a different level of what that will be though. The idea of someone paying $100,000 for a wedding makes me throw up in my mouth a bit, buy hey, if that's your thing and giving someone their dream wedding makes you tick then I can't argue with it. I look forward to reading your followup post on this and seeing if you get any answers. Oh and giving makes me happiest too but giving of my time, creativity or skills makes me far happier than anything I could buy... not sure what the person I'm giving to thinks though! haha @Dave My parents stopped fretting about me years ago. At least openly. It helps a lot that my dad is a minimalist who has been roped in by my mum who is anything but. But the point is that my dad completely understands my lack of interest in having stuff and being rich and it's great to have that kind of support. @Richard The Asian/Western thing is an interesting point but not really something I know too much about. I'm not sure my views on life are that similar with other Canadians who generally want to work a job and buy stuff. I think travelling has had more of an effect on my @Willie There's nothing wrong with being selfish if it doesn't hurt anyone else, I agree. I guess the question is whether not thinking about my parents' retirement or my future kids now will end up hurting them in the future and if that makes it selfish? I don't think so but it's an interesting question. @Cody “Fuck the white picket fence.” Exactly. I tend to surround myself with people who think that way so it's been really interesting to hear Jun's thoughts. It's not that often I have a conversation with someone who actually wants the 'fence' and it's an eye-opener. It makes me happy to have broken free from that mentality when I read Jun's comment but just because it's not right for me doesn't mean it's not right for him. Just as long as, like you say, he really wants that life and chooses it and doesn't feel pressured into it. @Akhila That's the question! It hasn't been answered here but it's been fun discussing it. :-) @Jun Thanks for the comment, it’s helping me get a better idea of where you’re coming from and what your goals are. People from all over the place were told to aspire to some sort of life. For me, breaking free from what society or my parents or my peers says is the ‘right way’ was a huge deal and becoming comfortable with what I have decided I want for myself and my life took awhile, but I got there, and it’s right for me. Surrounding myself with travel types has been a big help, visiting poor countries, volunteering in devastated communities, and meeting people who truly have nothing (in a material sense) have all contributed to my lack of motivation for achieving extreme personal wealth and possessions beyond what I think I need to be content. Everyone has a different level of what that will be though. The idea of someone paying $100,000 for a wedding makes me throw up in my mouth a bit, buy hey, if that’s your thing and giving someone their dream wedding makes you tick then I can’t argue with it. I look forward to reading your followup post on this and seeing if you get any answers. Oh and giving makes me happiest too but giving of my time, creativity or skills makes me far happier than anything I could buy… not sure what the person I’m giving to thinks though! haha

@Dave My parents stopped fretting about me years ago. At least openly. It helps a lot that my dad is a minimalist who has been roped in by my mum who is anything but. But the point is that my dad completely understands my lack of interest in having stuff and being rich and it’s great to have that kind of support.

@Richard The Asian/Western thing is an interesting point but not really something I know too much about. I’m not sure my views on life are that similar with other Canadians who generally want to work a job and buy stuff. I think travelling has had more of an effect on my

@Willie There’s nothing wrong with being selfish if it doesn’t hurt anyone else, I agree. I guess the question is whether not thinking about my parents’ retirement or my future kids now will end up hurting them in the future and if that makes it selfish? I don’t think so but it’s an interesting question.

@Cody “Fuck the white picket fence.” Exactly. I tend to surround myself with people who think that way so it’s been really interesting to hear Jun’s thoughts. It’s not that often I have a conversation with someone who actually wants the ‘fence’ and it’s an eye-opener. It makes me happy to have broken free from that mentality when I read Jun’s comment but just because it’s not right for me doesn’t mean it’s not right for him. Just as long as, like you say, he really wants that life and chooses it and doesn’t feel pressured into it.

@Akhila That’s the question! It hasn’t been answered here but it’s been fun discussing it. :-)

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