The other night I was chatting to a volunteer from Belgium about travelling, life at home, future plans, and all that good stuff and she asked me if I could ever se myself living back in Canada. This question always gets asked and the reply is quick and to the point – ‘no’. I asked her the same question and she replied that she couldn’t really see herself living anywhere else and that, as much as she wants to travel and see the world, Belgium will always be her base.Her main reason was that she has just a great network of family and friends and if she were to spend years away at a time she would feel like she’d be missing too much. Her answer sort of caught me off guard only because it’s something I had never really thought about.
When I return home after a year or two I am always surprised at how little has really changed. Things seem to tick along like clockwork and I am able to slot right back in to where I left off. Some friends have had babies and bought houses which are pretty major things, but life at home generally feels the same as it did 10 years ago. I don’t feel like things are passing me by if I’m not at home, I tend to feel the opposite. I feel like when I’m stuck at home, things in the rest of the world are passing me by and I can’t wait to get back out there and experience those things… whatever they may be.
I might feel differently if all of my friends were still living at home or if I had neices or nephews there or if a family member was ill but, as of right now, it just doesn’t feel like there’s much I’m missing. Does that sound really harsh? I’m not sure.
Do you feel torn when you travel because there are things going on at home you want to experience and be a part of or are you happy to let life at home keep on ticking on in your absence? Do you see home as a place you’ll return to eventually once you get travelling out of your system or are you happy to keep your time there to short visits and call a new place home?
Kirsty -
Great post. I just moved up to Boston, MA for a job where I travel 4 times a year for 5-6 weeks at a time. Having just moved up here, I have found it difficult to build and maintain a healthy social circle when I have to keep leaving every handful of weeks. I don’t miss “Boston” on the road as much as I miss the idea of “comfort” – while I would call myself an experience international traveler, I’m sure you would agree that some days, it would be nice to wake up in your own bed, be able to eat foods that you grew up eating, and be able to converse in English and not have any language barriers. The trials and tribulations of travel tend to have a subtle, compounding effect on me whilst on the road. I think this has more to so with the fact that I’m working and not playing while traveling.
Besides friends/family, what do you miss most about home comfort? Any specific amenities?
After 15+ years away from “home” I don’t miss too much. You are right, very little changes when you go back. Often after a few days, it sometimes feels like you never left. That’s when I start to feel like leaving again. My sister has two young daughters, which is probably the biggest thing I will miss – seeing them grow up.
When I have traveled abroad and been out of America for more than a year, my personal friends and acquaintances haven’t changed much, but I’m always surprised how much the country as a whole has changed. Different shows on TV, different shops in the mall, different music. Usually some words or cultural things that I’ve never heard of that everyone seems to be talking about. It always feels like major culture shock to me. Plus I notice how fat everyone is. Go out to a bar and realize that the people I would have thought were thin before I left, actually look fat to me now. Obviously I’m from America, so I’d guess someone who lived in America for a year then went back to their country would think, ‘wow, everyone looks so thin’. One thing that I’ve tried to do for personal enrichment is pay attention to and make a mental note of all the kinds of things like this. I think I get a better picture of America this way. Kind of an outsider’s view. Just like when you are living abroad for an extended period, you get a different view of your own country. I always tell my friends at home about this. I think it is really enlightening to see your own country from abroad, once you are sinking into a different culture. When I get back, I’m always slightly different in a way that I can’t easily relate to people who have never left.
You are right, the more I leave Canada the more things stay the same there. Sure there may be a new strip mall, or a new half hour comedy but really, that is just more of the same and I never miss that.
Sure I might miss my grandparents or my parents, my siblings…but anything else?
No, not a whole lot.
Here I am off in Geneva, trying to find a way to stay or another euro country to live in for now, while my friends back in canada are buying homes and cars and getting married. Plus I think it says a lot about you, when both your younger siblings own cars and you dont!
After living in London and Edinburgh when I had to return…to canada, my hometown…in the middle of the freaking prairies and I felt I really did not have much in common with anyone anymore…and I felt so isolated! no longer was there the possibility of travel…just to get to another major city was a nine hour drive!
Not to say I do not appreciate my passport. I love Canada and I love my Canadian passport…just not sure I want to be there right now!
Also, dude, not sure why you are harping about ‘fat people’
Not harping on fat people, I could stand to lose a few pounds myself. Just leave North America for a year. When you return, you realize how overfed we are compared to the rest of the world, including most other developed countries, save a handful.
I use to feel as if everything pretty much stayed the same. The only thing that was a little hard was seeing my friends kids going from baby one visit to child the next. I felt that everything would always be there to come back to.
Last month, my 25-year-old brother committed suicide. Now I know that your home and family won’t always be there, just like you left it, upon your return.
I realy can empathise with you about your brother in a much different way… for me, my uncle and my cousin died within 5 years which, to me, was a very short time. I think its those sorts of things that make me think about the har things in life.
I am very sorry about your brother and I feel ike those things makes people re-adjust and reassess important things in their lives…
I can see now that life at home is much more important to me than it used to be but I still love the travel thing too.
Hey… all my best to your family and thanks for sharing your thoughts with us.
Pretty much feel the same way. After 18 months away, when i went home, nothing had really changed. no one was different. it was……a let down.
I think that feeling like you’re missing things depends on the speed of change of things at home. When I went away to college, my nieces were little and all my friends stayed at home. Every time I would come home I would feel like I’d missed everything. I still feel that I missed out on some important years here (and I hated college!). On the other hand, I just moved back home after 2.5 years away and it feels like I was never gone. I have those memories and experiences I gained while away, but other than that it was as if they never happened- these days my friends are in diaspora and my nieces are in high school. (I didn’t like where I was that much more than I liked college)
Plus, having things like Skype to keep in touch by phone and video makes it just so much easier to be in contact.
I think its one of those fundamental things: my partner is enjoying living in Australia – but looking forward to going “home” which is where his mother and sister still live. For me though its a just a place we have a house and a bunch of possessions
A social circle is the only thing that I really miss when travelling long term. It’s always easy to find people to down a few beers; with some it’s even possible to talk about very personal things (sometimes it’s easier with complete strangers). But people who share years of common experiences with you are hard to find abroad.
Apart from that I haven’t missed much on the road.